Mouthful of Platinum

I would rather be practicing my metal scream.

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Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't ninja, mime.

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more mouthful of platinum

If you say "foodgasm" in my presence, they will never find your body. Ever.

I'm at home. Or in prison. Or in Hell. The lines are so blurred I can't tell the difference anymore.

Tell me again why there aren't any death metal songs about Mother's Day brunch.

Age ain't nothing but a number of reasons I need another drink.

Even though it has been difficult, I have finally learned to accept the things about myself that I'm too lazy to change.

In some cultures, reading your dog its horoscope is considered foreplay.

I got a bill in my mouth like I'm Hillary Rodham.

I'm asking on behalf of my existential crisis.

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